210 Season 5 Debut, Parents start now - Lessons on Love, Dating, Marriage

Season Five is here! Let's talk heart-to-heart! Now is the best time to share with your kids from your heart about love, dating, and marriage. Do you have your philosophies and principles figured out about these topics? I'm here to help! Your philosophy will impact the words you say, the jokes you make, and the guidance you give your kids years before they're even dating, so don't wait to figure it out! Let's talk about it TOGETHER!  Navigating the maze of romantic relationships can often feel like an untamed wilderness for parents, but fear not, we can take this adventure together!

Join us, as we continue the journey as intentional parents building strong families TOGETHER!

Here's links to earlier episodes about parenting principles regarding dating and marriage (episodes with ** were the ones that we shared clips in this episode):
**#125 "Family Bonding Activity & Wisdom-giving about Love, Dating, and the Meaning of Marriage
#97 Modesty, Pitfalls from the Purity Movement, and Treasuring Sexuality
#96 Val & Abby Share Keys to Waiting with Grace, Part 2
#95 Conversation with a Teen about Guarding Your Heart, Part 1
**#72 Teach Your Kids the Truth about Love, Dating, and Marriage
**

Chapters

• 0:00 Preparing Kids for Romantic Relationships
• 11:11 The Philosophy of Dating and Marriage
• 16:19 Focusing on Relationships and Marriage

Transcript

val harrison: 0:00

THIS TRANSCRIPT WAS GENERATED AUTOMATICALLY AND HAS NOT BEEN EDITED FOR ACCURACY. Welcome to the Practically Speaking Mom podcast. I am Val Harrison, the Practically Speaking Mom, so very glad to be here with you today. I have been taking a break, as some of you know. Those of you who follow this podcast closely know that I had been on a break for the holidays, and here it is February. I am back and I have some announcements first, but I will tell you what today's theme is about, because this is the month of February. We will be spending today on the topic of romantic relationships and our perspective as parents about this topic with our kids, how to prepare them for these relationships. So let's get started with more intentional right now. First of all, I want to say hello. I have missed you. I have been on break through the holidays and I am so glad to be back in the studio and visiting with you today. I miss connecting with my audience, all of you. I appreciate you all so much, both that you listen and give me feedback. Feedback is awesome and your questions are awesome, so that I know the needs of our listeners and can address those different questions, which I often do through Instagram or Facebook. Instagram at practically speaking mom. Facebook public page at practically speaking mom or our private Facebook group, intentional mom strong family, which we have been doing, a six week mom's fasting one meal on Mondays, a six week version of that together in the intentional mom strong family Facebook group. And what a blessing that has been to know that other moms are praying for me and my family and that I'm praying for your families and you know that there's over 1000 moms in that Facebook group and just to know that there is prayer going on for all the moms there and their families just has really touched my heart. Over the last six weeks I have also been contacted by different moms saying wow, this is powerful, as in, the enemy of our family really doesn't want our family to be strong. So when Monday rolls around, I just am kind of experiencing a spiritual battle going on is what some of these moms have been saying. And what a great blessing that you have fought through that and stuck with it. So just we're going to battle on our knees for the strength of our families and it is so worth it. That is wrapping up Well, maybe it is even wrapped up by the time you are listening to this, but maybe we'll do that again. In fact, give me feedback about that. Do you want to do the Monday fast meal for our families? You want us to continue that in our Facebook group, so let me know Now.

val harrison: 3:16

Today we are talking about how to talk to our kids about romantic relationships and why it matters because it's the month of February. Every February, I like to do an episode about romantic love because I firmly believe that our children need to hear more training about what healthy romantic relationships look like. They are bombarded continually with negative perspectives about marriage and they need to know that it can be great when we do it God's way. It can be great when we are caring more about the other than ourselves, and there's so many things and, honestly, today is not even about the details that make up a healthy relationship. That's not where we're going today.

val harrison: 4:12

Instead, I want to deal with this question that Rich and I were asked by one of our kids one day when they were in college. So we have three married kids, and then we have a Son that's been dating someone quite a while, another son that's been dating someone some months, and Then two daughters, a daughter in college and a daughter in high school. So that's where our family is at In the season of life. We kind of have a whole wide gamut of where they're at with relationships. But one of our kids, when they were college age, ask the question how do you know when is the right time to get engaged? And what I wanted to do today is answer that question to all of you to plant some seeds in your Mind, to help you be thinking about what is your parenting principle about?

val harrison: 5:09

Dating and engagement and and marriage? So our answer to that was this when engagement comes, it is all about the wedding during that engagement and then, when marriage comes early marriage is really like going into the frying pan. There are so many things that you're adjusting to, getting used to and trying to figure out between the two of you. Like is he gonna get frustrated if I don't remember to clean off the knife before I put it in the dishwasher? And is she gonna get frustrated that he doesn't shut the closet doors? And I mean there's a million different things like that that you're figuring out together. You're figuring out how to combine finances and keep track of bills and keep a house and coordinate schedules and have someone with you in the house all the time. Like there's so many different angles of that and it's kind of like being in the frying pan and there's a lot of stress associated with that. What you would not want to do is wait till you're engaged or married to figure out how to Communicate well with each other, how to problem solve together, how to make decisions tough decisions together, how to forgive, how to confess, how to repeat, how to hear one another's frustration in a productive way, how to have conflict in a healthy way, how to Manage that.

val harrison: 6:45

You have this personality type and he has this personality type. Or you don't have matching love languages or forgiveness styles. Or Maybe one of you is a morning person in the evening person and maybe you are A person who has a really high value of security and he has a really high value of fun. And how do you get that to mesh? There's so many things to be figuring out. Of course, the most important ones where are you at spiritually? How? What kind of Spiritual disciplines do you keep like? Are you in the word a lot? How well do you know the word? Is the word of God your bottom line for? For decision-making? What is your bottom line for decision-making? And also when you are when you need to share something that you don't want to share, but you know it's important. Do you hide that? You tend to be one who hides that. Like, is self-preservation Higher on your list than transparency? What about? Are you able to receive the news from someone you care about that something is frustrating them, that involves you? Like, how do you respond to that? There's so many things there. And what's your principles about finances? Like, are you a hey, it might be gone tomorrow, let's spend it today. Or are you a? We are not spending nothing until we get our retirement money plugged in and Getting sending aside a college fund for our kids that we haven't had yet? You know, like, what kind of a financial person are you?

val harrison: 8:25

There's so many decisions, there's so many aspects about another person that that is what the dating time is for. It's for seeing how we connect on a whole bunch of levels, how we handle conflict, how we learn to compromise. How do our priorities line up are we good at? Let's say that I am a service minded person and I'm a peacemaker. So when you have a suggestion, I'm just going to be quiet and go with it, because I want peace and I want to serve you and I know you'd be blessed if I just go along with your idea. Well, that's not bringing all of me to the table. So that means the relationship is missing some of me, it's missing some of my input. Is that a healthy relationship? I mean, if I hold back and hold back and hold back, then does that create a relationship? And where the other person is making all the decisions? And if that pattern continues, how is it going to impact how parenting happens? There's so many things for us to consider and that's what the dating time is for.

val harrison: 9:49

I am a big believer that it would be better to have pre marital counseling before you get engaged, because during that counseling you are going through all kinds of things your parenting perspective and your finances perspective and just all kinds of things. And why would you get engaged and commit to be married to this person forever If you haven't talked through all of those key things in depth, like with a lot of time to be able to? You know, maybe you have an initial conversation and you think you're on the same page, but the more you think about that, you realize wait a minute, I didn't think about this aspect or this aspect Like there's a lot of things to go over before you really know that it's the right thing to do, to make a lifelong commitment to someone. A marriage relationship is going to impact your life, obviously, in a gazillion different ways. I know that sounds exaggerating, except that it's kind of true. Every aspect of our life is going to be impacted forever from whom we choose to marry.

val harrison: 11:11

So we shouldn't take it lightly. Not only should we not take that decision lightly, but as parents, we don't want to take lightly the role that we can be playing in helping our kids get an appropriate perspective about the point of dating. It is not about romance. Yes, that isn't an element of it, but it should not be the you know, 50% or more focus of it All of our marriage. We should be dating our spouse and we should be nurturing the romantic relationship with our spouse and, yes, we want to start that during dating. But there is so, so, so much more that we need to be doing. Dating should not just be about feelings. Dating should be about figuring some things out. So not until you have felt this is my principle with it rich and eyes. Not until you feel like you have gone through all of these major aspects of life and figured out how you interconnect regarding those things, and not until you feel like your relationship is at a very healthy place where you are interdependent, not codependent, not one of you dependent and the other one independent, not both of you independent, but healthily interdependent and putting God first.

val harrison: 12:56

And you know, I don't today's not about all of the details of what I believe is good ingredients and important ingredients as much as it is. I just wanted to talk to you about that philosophy regarding dating, engagement and marriage, so I wanted to share that today for the month of February Next time. I am so excited to share with you something that I call clarity for the mission of motherhood and little inside secret there. It's actually about wholeness. How do we focus on wholeness as a mom? How can it be our driving focus to bring clarity to all of the rest of the responsibilities that we have as moms? And I will explain what wholeness is and how it impacts everything, including our internal peace.

val harrison: 13:57

So join me here next time, and I need to make an announcement too, and that is this as you know, I am working on my fifth book, which the working title of that is your love becomes their strength, answering the six questions of your child's heart at every age. It's about? Am I worth treasuring, am I worth protecting, am I worth knowing, am I worth affirming, am I worth including and am I worth restoring? I've got a lot this season to share with you about those topics. I'm looking forward to that. But I also need you to know that I'm not going to be putting out a podcast weekly During this time of writing this book. I just need to only put out a podcast when God lays it clearly on my heart, record this and get it published. I am just in finding that I cannot wear all of these hats at the same time, because I really, really want to get this book done. It's just taken me too long. So, anyway, I wanted to give you a little bit of that behind the scenes info. So I don't know how often it will be. I'm guessing that sometimes there'll be several little podcasts in a row and they might, you know, fall several in a week, or once a week, or there might only be one podcast for that month. You know it. Just, it's just going to completely vary, and I am learning about myself that I like to tell you the plan and then I want to stick to the plan because I think that's a good way to have a relationship, and I do think that that is true, and so I try to do that with all of you, but I am finding that I need to stop making that commitment in the midst of this season. So it's just going to be a surprise entering your little podcast world when the time is right. But I do have a lot that I am looking forward to sharing with you during this season.

val harrison: 16:11

Season five, the Practically Speaking Month podcast, is here, and we have a lot of great things to share with you.

val harrison: 16:19

I have my little list made.

val harrison: 16:21

I just need to um request that you and I ride the waves together a little bit in season five so that my real focus can be on finishing up the book. I am praying for you, moms, that this will be a month of God's blessing upon your family and that you will take advantage of the month of February to really teach your kids about what does a healthy marriage look like, what do healthy relationships look like? What should we be doing and not doing in dating? Start young and teaching this info to your kiddos. And another great time to focus on that is around your anniversary. If you're married, then anniversary month is a great time to just focus on some of the principles that you have found to be important for marriage. I will put in the show notes a list of marriage episodes and a list of the February romantic relationship topics episodes that we have done so far on the podcast, and I will see you next time right here on the Practically Speaking Mom podcast, the place for intentional moms to build strong families. See you next time.