207 Let's Get Real w/ Tiff and Val, Habits to Thrive

Ever wondered how to balance an organized home while raising kids? That's what we're chatting about this week with the delightful Tiffany Deschner, a mom of four who shares some helpful nuggets of wisdom with us about joy in the midst of housekeeping and enjoying quality time with her kids. "Let's Get Real w/ Tiff and Val" is an occasional series, this time it overlaps with our ongoing theme of Habits to Thrive - where everyday intentional moms share their habits to thrive with our listeners.

In episode 207, we talk about the challenges of fostering productivity in our everyday life. Tiffany shares with us about 'blessing her future self' and her clever way of anchoring new habits into existing routines. She even lets us in on her strategy of using time tracking to handle her tasks efficiently. Sprinkled in this rich conversation is a thought-provoking discourse on the impact of social media on our lives, along with Tiffany's recommendation of Wendy Speake's 40-day social media fast for reclaiming control.

Hear how Tiffany motivates her daughters to take ownership of their spaces and how her husband's organized nature serves as the perfect foil to her spontaneous spirit - a balance that keeps their home in harmony. Tune in and let's journey together.

Want to hear more from Let's Get Real with Val & Tiff?  Listen to episodes 70, 71, 73.
Want to hear more from the HABITS TO THRIVE series? Listen to episodes 192, 172.

Chapters

• 0:04 Decluttering and Creating Practical Habits
• 10:35 Creating Habits and Eliminating Distractions
• 22:01 Teaching Kids Responsibility and Household Habits
• 31:51 Introducing Lifestyle Changes and Chores

Transcript

Rich Harrison: 0:04

THIS TRANSCRIPT WAS GENERATED AUTOMATICALLY AND WAS NOT EDITED FOR ACCURACY. Today on the Practically Speaking Mom podcast, Val welcomes back her friend, Tiffany Deschner. She and her husband have three girls aged 10 and under and recently welcomed baby Cole to their family. Whenever Tiffany joins Val on the podcast, you can count on lots of joy and honesty from this mom. Discussion In this episode is certainly no exception. It is jam-packed with practical ideas and so much fun. So pull up your seat at the table for episode 207, Keeping it Real with Tiffany Val as part of the series Habits to Thrive.

Val Harrison: 0:40

Well, it's fun to have you back.

Tiffany Deschner: 0:42

Well, thanks for having me. It's always fun to chat with you and I enjoy listening to your podcast, and I know it helps many, many women. My name is Tiffany Deschner. I have been married to Josh for 15 years. Our oldest daughter just turned 10, and every age has been fun and challenging, and God uses it to grow me into who he wants me to be as well.

Val Harrison: 1:06

So yeah, yeah, and I think you will find these years of teenagers that's coming, that it's challenging, yes, but the older the kids get, it just gets more awesome.

Tiffany Deschner: 1:19

So it's fun to see how your relationship changes as they get older and to see who they are becoming and their strengths and, yeah, it's been fun.

Val Harrison: 1:30

That's what I love. I love seeing all of these pieces that God put in, or that we put in and that the kids put in, coming together to see them just blossoming in life, and it's really rewarding. While you are on our theme of habits to thrive, as I was praying about who does God want, on these episodes, he definitely brought you to mind. You have just always been focused on joyfully doing what God has planned for your life, and I love that combination of trusting in him and choosing joy.

Val Harrison: 2:10

You're great at that, I'm sure everybody who knows you would say that about you too.

Tiffany Deschner: 2:15

Well, I appreciate you always speaking life into my life. He's always been a great cheerleader for me and I always appreciated that. My oldest has gotten into a lot of before school and after school clubs, which I was not anticipating. And so last summer I kind of put my housekeeping and stuff by the wayside and just did the minimum so I could spend time with the girls and not just feel like I'm cleaning all the time and I was like I'll catch up in the fall. Well then the fall got busy too, so I didn't have a lot of catch up time. But what I found is that habits that I created a lot from last year.

Tiffany Deschner: 2:56

But a few years ago we moved from Texas to Kansas and I didn't realize when we moved there we lived there for a couple of years how much we moved from our basement storage into our attic storage in Texas. And then when we moved back into our house, we were moving to a bigger house with more storage, but it was full and I felt like I really needed to get rid of a lot of the stuff in our storage, because what takes up the space in your home takes up your time and you might not even need it. And then you feel like you're constantly cleaning, but all you're actually doing is picking up and maintaining the stuff that you really don't need in your house. So I started trying to declutter my house. It was in 2019 and we were going to have our third baby, so I was determined to have our at least our storage area decluttered before I had her, because, you know, a baby brings in a lot more and school aged children bring in a lot more. So I knew I needed to tackle that, because it was just weighing on my mind, and I really dove into that and what I found is that there are a lot of mindsets attached to stuff in your home and you know stuff that you hang onto for the rainy day that probably may not ever happen, and you know it's good to be prepared, but just having an abundance of stuff, it just was heavy on me, and so I began to declutter and I would get frustrated because it was like I would have a goal and I wouldn't make the goal.

Tiffany Deschner: 4:26

But then I had to realize that I was making progress and focus on the small tasks at hand. You know decluttering this one box. So I realized the perfectionistic mindset wasn't serving me and that I needed to focus on progress over perfection and also God really worked with me just on different attachments I had to different things and you know, is holding onto this thing really worth my time or taking care of it? And so just really getting real with myself on that. And I'm still working on that, because my biggest hurdle right now is my closet, because you know, with having kids and then your body changes, but a lot of this stuff I have on my closet I've had since I was pregnant with Brooke, who is now 10, so it needs to go, but it's it's hard to let go of that, but that helped a lot. All of that. To say that decluttering my house helped a lot. I started to move through the bathrooms and even just in the bathrooms, if you dig through your drawers and your cabinets, there's so much trash. That's just in there.

Val Harrison: 5:28

I know, I know we try different formulas and we're like we don't like it and we hang on to it. I don't know what. I think this guest is going to come that's going to use all this stuff for us. Yes, yes.

Val Harrison: 5:42

I am so about decluttering. To the last few years we have also lived in a house that we're remodeling and every time we remodel a space I take that opportunity to go through everything in that space and like my goal is minimal and does it serve multiple functions and doesn't make me really happy. Like it's functional and makes me happy, then it wins. It gets to say so.

Val Harrison: 6:09

Saturday we're remodeling. We're turning part of our laundry room into a guest bathroom, so I was going through all the pantry that was in there that we had to get rid of and I have these literally. It's fake fruit that I have on my own too for decades and they've been put away and. I told Rich Saturday I can do this.

Tiffany Deschner: 6:32

I know I can't oh my gosh, isn't it funny, the stuff we hang on to I know well. And then the other thing I wanted to do is be really intentional with the stuff I really liked because, like you know, stuff from our grandparents or things that were special to me they shouldn't just be left in a box. And we kind of created this area that I wasn't really sure what to do with and kind of made it. We call it our memories area, but it has, like Josh's granddad's Bible that was given to us and a mirror that I remember my grandma having and a necklace she had given me, and just different things like that that could be left in a box or they could be enjoyed and they are special to us. It's just fun to see that stuff and have it actually out in our house and displayed, and because if it's just going to sit in a box, then I'm just leaving it for my kids to deal with us.

Tiffany Deschner: 7:22

Yes, yes, but anyways, to get practical the things, I feel like I was in a really good routine last year at this time, but I also was really focused on that routine and I feel like it took up a lot of time to do that. Well, I was just kind of focused on creating routines that worked, and it worked really well. And then summer came around and I just kind of did the bare minimum, like I said, so I could spend time with my kids and while they were out of school and go do things. But some of those habits did stick and they were, you know, daily habits, like making sure that they're just doing the dishes right away, don't let them sit and they sink. Just take the five minutes to do the dishes from each meal. And Well, I guess figuring out what habits are kind of your you could say domino areas. So if you take your domino it's going to knock down the rest. So doing my by doing the dishes, if I don't do my dishes, then stuff's going to pile up on the countertop and you know it kind of knocks down dominoes in the wrong way. It creates a bigger mess for myself. But if I do the dishes then the sink's clean and, you know, something happens that I need to use a sink and I'm not taking stuff out of the sink to use it.

Tiffany Deschner: 8:34

Or another area for me is our back. I wouldn't really even call it a room, basically a pass-through, more like a hallway. That is our laundry area and also kind of a little mud room area, but it's really tight and it can get cluttered really fast. So by going through there and making sure, because if that area is cluttered then it spills onto my counters and my kitchen and so that is a what I would say domino area. For me is having that picked up where the girls hang their backpacks and their jackets, and taking care of school papers right away. I try to go through those right away as soon as they come in, because they come in with a lot of stuff, and so we recycle what we definitely don't need, and then I have a mailbox for each of them for stuff that we want to keep or stuff that they may be attached to, and then we go through that kind of quarterly.

Val Harrison: 9:23

But I'll tack on to what you're saying about keeping the things that the kids like. For a while Almost, it was like a daily battle of let's get rid of this paper, let's choose which paper. Today and I figured out with some of my kids that are highly attached to things, to do what you said of just put it in a folder or put it in a cubby and have a set occasional time where we select, and then it's one time of the wrestling match with them and because it's there's more of it, they recognize too at that point, yeah, I don't want to keep this much so yeah, yeah, like there was a recent school kind of a project, but it really like there really wasn't anything specific to my child or there wasn't any kind of art.

Tiffany Deschner: 10:11

I have a hard time throwing away art, like drawings that they do, but I could tell that they had worked hard on it and so I saved it because I didn't, you know, want her to be like where's that project at? And two weeks, and you really like like I recycled it. But so I say you know the stuff that, but the five math sheets they bring home they're not their practice sheets, they're not gonna, they don't have any attachment to or things like that. But I have found that staying on top of that, before it was just like pile and pile and pile and pile, and sometimes you know it's real life over here, so we do have a pile of stuff to go through.

Tiffany Deschner: 10:47

But something that I found, so I I have kind of the type of person I would like I'm gonna wake up tomorrow and be a completely different person, you know, have the perfect morning routine and I'm going to do all of the things, and what I realized is that was really just setting myself up for failure, because that's not realistic. That's not who I am. So how I created these habits was just to focus on one and, like, for three weeks, just focus on doing the dishes every time for three weeks and then, once it becomes a habit, it doesn't really seem like a big deal. Then move on to the next one. And the laundry was another one, and last year at this time I was doing one load of laundry a day. So staying on top of that and anchoring my habit to an existing habit, so I try to get the girls on the bus and do the dishes clean up.

Tiffany Deschner: 11:42

It makes my mind feel at ease when my countertops are clean and to wake up and just have my countertops clean. So at night I always try to make sure my countertops are clean and our coffee set to be made in the morning, so I can wake up and get my coffee in the kitchen's clean and that's my day upright. That was one mindset I had seen too is just setting your future self up for success. You're not going to want to do the laundry tomorrow, so why would you save it for your tomorrow self when you can do it today and bless your tomorrow self by her not having to do that? And when I wake up and my coffee's made, I'm just so thankful for my yesterday's help, or my husband, who also will set that too.

Val Harrison: 12:25

I love, that concept Bless your tomorrow self.

Tiffany Deschner: 12:29

That's awesome. How can you be a blessing to yourself? Because tomorrow comes with its own things, you know. So that was one of the mindsets that really helped me was setting my future self up for success and being a blessing to myself. How can you bless yourself by doing what needs to be done today, Today, yeah, Because you don't want to do it anymore tomorrow than you do today. A lot of times it's worse.

Tiffany Deschner: 12:55

So, anchoring your habit to an existing habit so I was saying when the girls get on the bus, I try to clean up the countertops and then go to my bathroom and just wipe down their bathroom sink every day just helps a lot. And in like five minutes which is something else that, if you're having a hard time setting habits, is timing yourself on how to do something. Hanging up the load of laundry this morning took me less than four minutes. It's something I could have put off and thought about all day long, you know. And the same with my unloading my dishwasher. It took me four minutes.

Tiffany Deschner: 13:29

And how often do I sit and I waste way more than four minutes just thinking about how I don't want to do it, when I could just get up and do it, and so things that you don't want to do. Time yourself doing it and you might. You're probably fine that. Wow, this really is ridiculous that I have been putting this off over this four to eight minute task. And another thing I have anchored to a habit is when I give my kid as a bath which is just my youngest at this point I will obviously safely and continuing to supervise her I will try to clean my bathroom while she's in the bathtub because I am right there with her, but I can. Sometimes I can get the whole bathroom cleaned. Sometimes it's just the countertops cleaned, but she takes a bath multiple times a week and so you know at some point it's going to be totally clean.

Tiffany Deschner: 14:22

Yeah, that's a great idea, just kind of using those pockets of time that you have, that you could be sitting and scrolling social media or obviously, if she wants my attention, I'm going to sit there and talk with her and sit, but a lot of times she's playing with her toys and he doesn't really care if I'm in there or not. But I need to be in there. So I might as well make those few minutes useful, and sometimes I just kind of rotate the task that the counter got done last time I might do the toilet this time or rotate whatever needs to be done. Those are my main habits. I think that I started. That really helped. I also have a robot vacuum, which I love.

Val Harrison: 14:59

Oh, me too.

Tiffany Deschner: 15:02

Let's just have a name? No, but it is a member of our family.

Val Harrison: 15:07

Well, ours has a name. It's Van. It's short for I don't know, something off the periodic table and my names are pets and other things, according to the periodic table. So, but Van gets in trouble plenty Like I don't know. It's magnetized towards whatever I'm doing or chairs that it wants to, you know, take forever at, but I couldn't make it without my yeah, yeah for sure, cause just with kids and I don't know what I, I don't know how I had, how I live without it.

Tiffany Deschner: 15:41

It's totally worth the investment, totally worth the investment.

Tiffany Deschner: 15:44

But one thing I had mentioned is scrolling social media and that was another huge impact to my life is that I had deleted Facebook from my phone and it was embarrassing how many hours I found in my day and I was like I don't know how I'm going to live without it. I'm going to be doing it in my day and I didn't think I was spending that much time, but it's really easy to waste, you know, five, 10 minutes here and there when you could be doing something to set yourself up for success and I just really is sucking your time away. And one thing that I did to help eliminate that and the Lord really worked on my heart through doing this process and actually I'm getting ready to start it again. Tomorrow is the 40 day social media fast by Wendy speak.

Tiffany Deschner: 16:29

I got the journal, was it? And it was very transformative, not only in finding hours of my day and helping me to set myself up for success and just be more, a more present mom, but it also was like this mental weight that I didn't know was there Just was lifted and it was like a freedom. I don't know how to explain other than, I guess, focusing on the right things and the helpful things and stripping that distraction away to allow God to speak to my heart.

Val Harrison: 17:01

I love that. So glad you brought that up and we'll be sure and put the link to that in the show notes. And something I'm thinking of, as you're saying, that is, while we moms wrestle with that issue, we want to help our kids not be in that same boat.

Val Harrison: 17:18

You know when, when we allow them to have habits related to technology, like almost dependent on technology, it's also a weight on them. It's also robbing their childhood and they're growing up time. So when we have wrestling with anything in life, really chances are our kids have some other similar thing they're wrestling with. We need to think of it from the angle of I don't want to be burdened with this. You know habit, a negative habit. I don't want to be burdened with these social media issues. So I can be a good example, so I can spend my time the way I'm supposed to, so I can help my kids spend the time the way they're supposed to. So now that's awesome.

Tiffany Deschner: 18:09

It just gives you more intentionality really in your life. And it was just so much noise and, I think, the weight of comparison which I wouldn't have thought I really struggled with. But then when it wasn't there, I was just living my own life. You know, you're just living your own life. You're not even thinking about really what, how other people are living their lives.

Tiffany Deschner: 18:30

And the other thing I noticed is that social media gives you a false sense of connectivity. You know, when you're not on social media, you're kind of feel like you're in the dark. You don't know what, what is going on with your friends unless you're reaching out and speaking to them. But it I think it was just a false sense of friendship because you think you have all of these friends and you know you're sharing your life with these people, but really you've lost that intimate connection. So that was another thing.

Tiffany Deschner: 19:01

Once you start doing the social media fast, a lot of other stuff gets brought up and the Lord may ask you to give up other things. Actually, another thing he spoke to my heart was about I was spending too much time listening to podcasts and, you know, just like leaving some open space for him to speak to my heart like leaving that room for margin and not having my ears always having something in them. And podcasts are a great thing, they're great resources. I listened to all sorts of uplifting things, but first I needed to do I do the Bible recap plan and podcast, and so that was I needed to do.

Tiffany Deschner: 19:40

That first and foremost. That needed to be the first thing If I was going to listen to anything. It needed to be that. But then just limiting, you know, not constantly having a podcast going, because I remember thinking, man, I wish I could have like a speaker in my showers, have to take a break from podcasts. And so the Lord just kind of spoke like hey, you know you're listening to good stuff, but your ears are constantly full of good things but also distractions from hearing his voice.

Val Harrison: 20:08

Yeah, I'll put a link to Bible recap in there too, because it is awesome. It is so good. I'm glad you're still there.

Tiffany Deschner: 20:17

Oh, yes, this is my third trip through and I realized that I get a lot more out of it. If I listened to the Bible, I just hear it so much better and so much clear and it sticks with me more. So that was something I found through that process. I do read the actual Bible with other Bible studies and such, but eliminating this ideal version of how it needed to be done, basically. But when listening works best for me, yeah, and I love on you version that you can choose different ways that it's read and different Bible versions and find what kind of works for you and what can keep your attention. But I've loved it. I've learned so much from a Bible recap and I've grown so much and I plan to do it every year. That's awesome, yeah.

Tiffany Deschner: 21:03

One thing I also wanted to say since we were talking, we kind of switched gears. But back to habits is I think I read this in the book Atomic Habits. It said you know your life is a series of habits. They're either positive habits or negative habits. But so you have to look at the habits you've created in your life and see whether or not they're working for you, and if they're not working for you, then be mindful to change it, you know. Work on that, but not try to do too much at one time. Focus on one habit at a time, otherwise it gets overwhelming and you throw it out the window and decide you aren't a person that can have positive habits.

Tiffany Deschner: 21:40

But you can slowly but surely and I wouldn't say I'm more of like a spontaneous person, so it has been harder for me to create habits, but it has been so life-giving to have positive habits in place. And once they're habits, and it doesn't necessarily feel like work, it's just something you do and you move on.

Val Harrison: 22:01

Do you have habits for your kids?

Tiffany Deschner: 22:04

Well, that is something we're working on picking their stuff up and you know, when you get something out, put it away, and I honestly wasn't good about doing that in the younger years because it was just easier for me to do it. However, when I started this journey, I was pregnant with our third and so I knew better. I knew how capable she was, I knew how she could help me and so you know she'll see me cleaning and she wants to clean with me and sometimes I'm like it's so much easier when she doesn't help me. But knowing Josh and I were just talking about that the other day knowing that it's an investment in her future and, you know, in our household. So that is something I am working on with the girls.

Tiffany Deschner: 22:50

At first I kind of was like a drill sergeant, like I'm changing and everyone needs to change with me, and I realized that wasn't really the right approach. So we do talk about less in the room is less to manage? A couple of times a week I have them go just tidy up their room and we actually recently got them loft beds with desks underneath. I don't know if it's because they have a little more, have some storage in there and some space. The rooms are really staying more clean than they had been and mostly when they need to go tidy up the room, it is just close on the floor, so it takes them five minutes. So I'm trying to teach them that, but I do need to incorporate their help.

Tiffany Deschner: 23:34

I think part of that was my perfectionist mindset. Yeah, so that's something that we're working on. I wouldn't say we have any fantastic habits right at the moment, but we're working on it. Yeah, I can see my oldest has. It's funny because we had put the share room my two oldest and we had put my oldest in the basement for the month of December and she was always saying that my middle was the messy one, but for that month of December their room stayed relatively clean and the basement was a disaster, which was me as a kid. So you know I can't get too mad at her for that. But I am trying to teach her these principles of maintaining your stuff and having your space and I did the same thing with my.

Val Harrison: 24:21

my two oldest daughters shared a room and all the years I thought it was my middle one that was really messy, partly because of her personality. But when they finally got separate rooms, I was completely wrong. I just so apologized to the middle one because I really I thought it was her all that time.

Tiffany Deschner: 24:43

Yeah, I know. That's why I was shocked too. I was like wait a minute, this can be right.

Val Harrison: 24:51

So here's a question. I know your personality and you have mentioned this a couple of times in this episode is more spontaneous and laid back. I know your husband is a very structured person, so I would love to hear just a little bit of that dynamic, because I know over the years there have been many times where you have said Josh is helping me on that. You know like he's the opposite of you, so can you talk to us about that?

Tiffany Deschner: 25:23

in a marriage, yeah, we have a sign in our bedroom that says you keep me safe, I'll keep you wild, and I think that describes this very well. Yeah, he's been an anchor in my life and times when I him and God, of course, but he's also at times kept me anchored to God in my life, when you know different seasons of hard things that you go through when you've been dating since you were 16. But Josh is really organized and I drove him crazy for a really long time.

Val Harrison: 25:56

I think those differences like I kind of like your sign those differences can either be something that causes you to bad heads all the time and you can tug of war against each other, because of your differences or you can laugh about them and recognize the good in them and you know, kind of celebrate that difference. Rich and I, we a little bit tease each other about our differences. I mean lighthearted teasing. It's not sincere teasing, but it keeps it lighthearted for us so that we don't get as frustrated.

Tiffany Deschner: 26:34

Yeah, josh will often say I am notorious for procrastinating and overbooking myself, and so he'll be like so what is your day, look like tomorrow? And I'll say things he's like now how are you going to do this, this and this, and a 30 minute window. It's very realistic for you. So, and then we kind of laugh about it and, yeah, it's a good balance for sure, because if we were both like me, it would be chaos. But I always tell people I'm the fun one and I'm the one who's the best.

Tiffany Deschner: 27:09

But he's a lot of fun too, and it's fun to see him be a girl dad, because we get the sight of his personality that nobody else gets to see and the silly fun loving. I mean, it can't be easy being the only male and, you know, for girl household. So we're going to church one day. He's like look at that shed, look at that shed. I'm like why are you so obsessed with people sheds? He's like, well, these girls are going to grow up to be either be in my shed or someone else's shed. I'm going to need a break. But his personality has been perfect to balance all of the girl things all of the emotions and he has a way of breaking the ice when girls are in their emotions and sometimes

Tiffany Deschner: 27:59

he'll say I don't know how to. Is this like a chocolate chocolate? No, he does a great job. I've been thankful for. You know him in my life and I know that he appreciates he's been wanting to get rid of all of my stuff, that we've been to what, that we have moved from Kansas to Texas, back to Kansas, to Texas and back to Kansas. So anytime that I fill up a donation box he's very quick to volunteer to take it. He's like something else that needs to go. But it's been kind of funny because, developing these habits, sometimes I'm a little bit more strict on our house than he is. He's like I, the house looks great, I don't know, we live here. So you know, I think sometimes I'm a little bit. I have to watch that now that I've kind of gone through this transformation, that I'm not like going overboard and people still do have to live here. But my mind is more clear and more calm if things are kind of in order.

Val Harrison: 29:05

Yeah, yeah, that's what I was thinking when you were talking about like the dishes being out. When I get that way, where I like leave some out, I am less happy with like. I feel worse about me, I feel worse about the house, and they're not going away. So you know why am I thinking. Leaving them there is in any way, you know, a good thing.

Tiffany Deschner: 29:27

Well, when you wake up, and when you wake up to that it's like ugh. Like this morning I walked out in the kitchen was clean and just feels. It just feels fresh and new and joyful. And along with that I also do pick up our, our living room nightly I guess one kind of habit I have with that. So we actually have like an, a bookshelf and I have four tabs. The bookshelf has Quinn's, like board books and like the little kid board books and that's where we have them.

Tiffany Deschner: 29:58

And then I have four baskets of certain categories. So it's like the Minnie Mouse and little figurines and one little basket and tea party and another basket, instruments and another basket and then I can't think of what's in her other basket, but basically like that categories. So that's easy for them to pull out, play with and then clean up and put away, which that does get done most of the time because they know where to put it and it has a clear spot to go. But then I also have to. They're like a decorative, antique, sturdy container and I have a big one and a little one and so I'll just throw miscellaneous items in there and periodically I'll go through there.

Tiffany Deschner: 30:41

But that kind of is just like usually, an open space that you can just kind of throw some random things in and then it's clean, and so then you can wake up to a clean living and a clean space and we can relax in a clean space, and so that's one thing that really works well for us is those four little buckets and then those two kind of random ones that you can just throw whatever in, and a lot of times I go through there and a lot of it ends up getting donated actually, because it's like, okay, this has just been out, but we're not really actually playing with it. It just gets drugged out, so we'll just go ahead and set that aside and someone else can enjoy it more than we can.

Val Harrison: 31:19

Yeah, yeah. So any questions for me today.

Tiffany Deschner: 31:24

Wait, was trying to think of that and maybe it would be helpful to the listener is you know, when you haven't given your kids responsibilities and their 10 and eight, how do you go about giving them responsibilities or creating habits for them without seeming like a drill sergeant? I think that's been just finding that balance of teaching and training, but not going overboard. Yeah.

Val Harrison: 31:51

So anytime I'm introducing a change in lifestyle, I often have to start with an apology, you know. You know God's been showing me that this is an area I've been missing and I want to correct that. So this is going to feel uncomfortable at first and different, and what we don't want to do is resist each other on this and make it a tug of war, me forcing you, when this is what we need to do. So this change is going to be happening and I am sorry that I didn't have it implemented before. That would be kind of a standard way that I introduce a big change and that's not necessarily chores or something. It could be that I've been letting them get away with something that either it didn't seem a big deal at the time and it grew to bigger, or it didn't get bigger and I really started thinking it through. You know of well, wait a minute, if I let that go, this and this and this, you know. So anyway, it could be any number of things like that.

Val Harrison: 32:59

If I was helping them with responsibility and chores and that really hadn't been something we've been talking about recently, I'm pretty sure I would do it from an angle of taking a piece of paper, having each of them they're old enough to write, which you have to, that are and dividing their paper into four parts body, god, people and mind. Well, I'm trying to put this in little kid words, but it's the Luke 2.52 thing that I talk about so much. Jesus grew in wisdom, so that'd be mind. Jesus grew in stature, that's body. Jesus grew in favor with man that is, people, social and favor with God, so I would have each of them divide their paper into four parts and let's brainstorm together what's the top habit we need to work on in this area. And that's become such a part of our conversation now that I was cleaning out the closet the other day and I found a piece of paper of riches that he had divided a piece of paper into four quadrants and in the middle of it was his goal, which was for his job to feel more meaningful to him, and so he divided that paper then into four quadrants and had a goal in all four of those areas for his career. Even that you can turn into those four parts to help make sure that you are being balanced, that you're growing in all of the areas, which is really about keeping our priorities, in order to that just kind of gives them, your kids, a framework of growing in balance and that, and in other words, growing in all the four categories of life, continually evaluating these four areas. So yeah, we could overwhelm them with implementing a whole bunch of chores and stressing me out and stressing them out and making a wrestling match, but starting from the framework of we're being good stewards of this life God has given us. So let's start a new habit in our God time, or you know what's going right in our God time and let's keep doing that. You know, I'm not necessarily saying that you have to create a new habit and all four areas, but just having their mindset on that and helping them see the benefit of that.

Val Harrison: 35:26

So where do chores fall in on a line like that?

Val Harrison: 35:30

Well, it can be a combination of things. One of those things is the social component of our family life. We want to value our time together and we are a little community and every community requires everybody giving their best effort and caring about the community, and that's what we are as a family, and so we all have to chip in. So let's make a list together of what are the chores that need to happen at our house. Maybe we'll make this list on a whiteboard so it's more fun, or maybe we'll all have different colors of construction paper and we'll write them on that and we'll stick them on the wall or whatever, while we're doing this little brainstorming conversation. And then we're going to divide these up between us and we're going to start owning these different parts and at first, since you guys aren't used to them, we'll just pick one each for you guys to add. But we will gradually be adding more, partly for our community's sake and partly for your sake, because you need to be a person who's in the habit of taking care of your life.

Val Harrison: 36:40

And so us doing this is that habit. You know we're working together towards that goal.

Tiffany Deschner: 36:46

Yeah, no, that's perfect. I guess another thing that might go along with that is getting your kids out the door to leave, to go somewhere, for example, for us at school in the morning, getting your kids out the door without being a constant nag.

Val Harrison: 37:03

Yeah, in something like that I would probably be talking with the older ones, like let's figure out what's the number one if we made one shift in the mornings, one aspect of that? You know we're probably procrastinating 10 things, but what's one of them that we could shift? Let's focus on the one, which is really what you said earlier, of just changing one habit. Well, thank you so much for sharing all these and I look forward to having you on again.

Tiffany Deschner: 37:31

Yes, thanks for having me Always fun.

Val Harrison: 37:34

Okay, bye, bye, bye.

Rich Harrison: 37:36

We hope you've been blessed by Val's conversation with her good friend Tiffany today. If you'd like to hear more from them, head back to episodes 70, 71 and 73 to listen to their first three episodes of Getting Real with Tiff and Val. To learn more about Val's ministry and resources, head to her website, practicallyspeakingmomcom. She counts it an honor to spend this time with you and hopes that it blesses you even more than it blesses her. Join her again next time on the Practically Speaking Mom podcast for intentional moms to build strong families. She counts it an honor to spend this time with you and hopes that it blesses you even more than it blesses her. Join her again next time on the Practically Speaking Mom podcast for intentional moms to build strong families.