206 "Don't Be Late!" Facing Weaknesses & Finding Strengths in Our Kids

Have you ever felt that sinking feeling when your child's weakness continues to cause issues for your child or for the family? I understand and have been there too! Take heart, mom friend, as those weaknesses may be important guides to our child's strengths. Yet, we still have to manage and finetune the weak spots. How do we do this all at the same time and in a way that doesn't squash your child's gifts?! We can do this TOGETHER! We can manage our child's weaknesses without trying to change their unique personalities. I'm Val Harrison, the Practically Speaking Mom, and I'll be sharing some of the strategies I've discovered, and I'm also going to share an embarrassing family memory in hopes that it helps you see that yours isn't the only imperfect family.  We are all beautifully flawed and, well, we might as well laugh about the mishaps! More so, I discuss how the habits we help our kids form today will shape their lives tomorrow and why a child's weaknesses can actually be a roadmap to their strengths.
Together, let's explore the importance of identifying and managing our children's weaknesses in a way that allows their strength to emerge! 

Transcript

Val Harrison: 0:04

THIS TRANSCRIPT WAS GENERATED AUTOMATICALLY AND HAS NOT BEEN EDITED! Welcome to the Practically Speaking Mom podcast. I'm Val Harrison, the Practically Speaking Mom. I'm your fellow intentional mom friend, walking this parenting path with you each week. Being intentional isn't easy, but it sure is worth it. Galatians 6-9 says Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. So, my intentional parent friend, let's get going with more intentional right now. So do you have any family embarrassing moments? We have several, of course. I guess every family does. But today I'm going to share one of those more expensive embarrassing moments for our family.

Val Harrison: 0:51

We used to have this 15 passenger van, which I hated with all of my heart. But we had just had our seventh child and we were at the stage of life where our kids often had friends with them. So I wanted a vehicle big enough that I could transport my kids' friends and my kids, and that we had plenty of extra room when we would go on vacations. So there was a point to the 15 passenger van, but it was just so big, it was just so long. Well, we had one of our kids that just tended to be late. You know, do you have a kid like that that they're always the last one in the vehicle and it doesn't matter. It seems like no matter how much prep you do with them or tell them to prep beforehand, they still end up being the last one out the door and so late. So every Sunday morning we were having problems with this, that this one kid was making us really late, and by the time this one would come out the door we'd all been in the car for some van, in the 15 passenger van for so long, and what was doubly irritating to us parents was when she would come out the door. Then she just like walk slowly even then, Like I would want to say run, Sometimes I would say run, and she just didn't have run in her. Like they're just, you couldn't turn the knob to the fast forward version of this one. So anyway, this one Sunday she was, of course, late getting in the car, and so Rich was just like he wanted to get going as fast as possible. Now we had a driveway that was circular, like you could go forwards or you could go backwards, and we didn't all have a certain place where we always parked. And the 15 passenger was new to us, we weren't used to driving it. So we didn't. We weren't used to its place in the driveway. You know what I mean. Like you know how people tend to park where they park, and you all get a family system. We didn't have a system yet for 15 passenger, so he put it in reverse and took off and slammed right into our car behind it. Well, so that happened and that was, of course, not fun. But the next Sunday the same exact thing happened again. He hit the same car a second time in the 15 passenger. So that was one of the more expensive, embarrassing moments for our family.

Val Harrison: 3:29

But really, today's topic is about that kiddo who's always late. So I want to know does your family have one or two family members who always are the last ones at the door? No matter how you plan ahead or lay down the law, they just can't get their shoes on, find their stuff and get out the door. What do you think is the main reason? Is it procrastination? Is it poor time management? Is it poor organization management? Is it poor judgment about reality in general? Is it distractibility? You know what's the root cause there. I'm going to talk to you about this issue for a few minutes, hoping that some of these things might help you.

Val Harrison: 4:14

So, mama, no matter what your child's issue is whether it's being late or something else that just keeps popping up, causing frustration for the rest of the family I would love to help you remember a couple of things. One, what they do today become their habits tomorrow. Their habits tomorrow become their life patterns. So it really is worth it for us to take the time to catch these troubled spots and do what we can to help them with those trouble spots. Now the second thing I want you to remember when it comes to kids weaknesses. Your child's weakness is usually a roadmap to their strength, to what makes them unique and wonderful, and it's really their uniqueness from which their life messages are going to come from. So it's not that we want to turn them into some other personality type or completely take away that aspect of who they are. Instead, we just want to help them learn how to manage their unique characteristics in effective ways. What helps them, what helps the world around them, what helps them to shine because of who they are? So sometimes that means that there are some bad habits connected with those aspects of them, that those habits need to go. The habits are not helpful and they need out of here. But that doesn't mean that the actual personality aspect of your child needs to change.

Val Harrison: 5:50

For example, let's say you have a really picky child. Well, their pickiness is really an attention to detail that you really want in the pilot in your plane or as the person who designed the bridge that you're driving over. You want somebody who has good attention to detail. But where attention to detail can become a problem is when it sounds a lot like grouchiness and discontentment. If you have a kid who can spot ginger, let's say like I have two different kids of my seven who have very sensitive taste buds, I mean I can try to hide something in there and they're going to know it right away, I think before they even taste it. A lot of times they know it. So let's just say that it's ginger that they dislike. Well, how are they going to handle that? They could say ooh, yuck, I hate ginger, which is discontentment and it's unkind to the chef. Or they can say well, ginger isn't my favorite, but I'm not going to let it ruin my day. I'm not going to let it ruin the atmosphere around me with negativity about this food. I mean, God did make ginger. It does have a purpose in life and I don't need to reign on everybody else's parade because it's not my thing. So that is managing that sensitivity, managing your gift and not allowing it to offend or destroy. We have to use our gifts for good.

Val Harrison: 7:24

Ok, so so far I've just told you two principles about weaknesses in general, and I want to tell you one more. What needs to be refined in your child will improve best if you remember how it feels to have a weakness of your own. How do you respond best to weaknesses? Is it by being nagged at? Is it by, let's say, it's your boss who's getting on you about a weakness? Does it motivate you when he says why do you always do this? What's wrong with you? No, that's not motivating. Definitely His words are harmful to your relationship. So what can help? Well, what we really want to do is partner with our kids in this process of refinement.

Val Harrison: 8:12

The problem is the bad habit. The problem is not your child. Your child is not a problem. Your child is not the problem. The bad habit is the problem. So let's partner together in overcoming the habit.

Val Harrison: 8:25

Now the first thing you want to do is figure out what's at the root cause of this habit. Why do they keep being late? Well, when it comes to being late, I have found the only way to help a child overcome this cause. I've had four different ones out of my seven that really did have a problem with this and really it requires at least. What is required for us is, if we need to leave it seven, then this one has to be ready at six, and what that allows is for me to think in my mind for that hour from five to six, because you know I've bumped up their deadline by an hour and they have to be ready by six. So from that five to six time slot, I have to start seeing part of my time as allotted for helping this kid develop some better habits. I could say, okay, we need to leave it seven. So I'm going to make my time from six to seven be focused on this kid's habits. That doesn't work. And why that doesn't work is because now we've added in time pressure to figuring out this habit that needs to change, or multiple habits that may need to change related to the issue. But when we bump it back an hour, we remove that time pressure, which allows us all to think more clearly and handle it more objectively and be less fussy about it, and they just able to tackle it on a more positive way. So we're going to move that time slot back an hour and then I am going to.

Val Harrison: 10:04

My first objective is to figure out what's at the root of this. Is it distractibility? Is it lack of planning ahead? Is it poor management of stuff? If it's poor management of stuff, I need to help them get some better systems right. If it is poor management of time, then let's write out a timeline. Let's sit down together and teach this child how to map out their time.

Val Harrison: 10:31

The other night we had a catillion that Emma was a part of. Like there was etiquette classes for eight weeks and then it culminated in this really elegant dinner where we're all supposed to use these certain table manners. And then there's a waltz that she does with a daddy, daughter waltz and mother, son, and it has aspect to it. Well, so if we have to leave by I'm just teaching you what I mean by writing out of the schedule Okay. So if we needed to leave our house by 530 for that event, then I need to do a lot. One hour for curling her hair, so 430 now, and special occasion she just started high school. So we're also going to take 30 minutes on makeup and prior to that she needs time to do other aspects of getting ready and prior to that she needs to steam her dress. And so we're writing all of these things down and we're working our way backwards and we realize to leave at 530 for that event, we need to start getting ready at three because this is a big deal of it.

Val Harrison: 11:39

Obviously, not most events don't require an hour of curling your hair, but the point is that we are teaching these skills to our kids and so writing out this schedule, working our way backwards, that's an important time lesson for a child who has trouble with time management.

Val Harrison: 11:59

But maybe they have stuff management issues. So you guys can evaluate together what's the biggest factor of stuff that might be a problem. Is it a backpack that should be packed the night before? Is it a lunch that should be packed the night before? How long does it take us to pack a backpack and pack a lunch? So what time do we need to start doing that the night before, Because you know if they're having trouble the day of getting out the door on time, you know they're also having trouble the night before working on those things at a decent time. All of these issues are actually opportunities for us to help our kids learn some good life skills. That's really what intentional parenting is all about is equipping our kids for life, helping them overcome the obstacles that might be standing in the way of an abundant life.

Rich Harrison: 12:54

And that abundant life for you and your family is what Val is all about here on the Practically Speaking Mom podcast. She is praying for your family as you help your children face their weaknesses and reveal their strengths. Next time, val welcomes her friend Tiffany Deschner, mom of four young children, to the podcast to talk about her habits to thrive in the midst of her busy mom life. Join them here as they are keeping it real with Tiffany Val as part of the series Habits to Thrive. We hope you always find encouragement and practical help from this ministry. If so, please share these episodes with a friend. Also, val would love to connect with you through Instagram and Facebook at Practically Speaking Mom or engage in the weekly discussion questions in Val's private Facebook community Intentional Mom, strong Family. And we'll see you here next time on the Practically Speaking Mom podcast the place for intentional moms to build strong families.