202 The Blessings of Nurturing Confidence in Our Kids/Teens

How important is it to make the most of opportunities to build confidence in your kids? Join me and my daughter Emma for a chat about confidence opportunities and the blessings that follow. We underscore the importance of stepping out of comfort zones to make a difference for others and yourself.  Isn't it interesting that saying "yes" to opportunities leads to more opportunities.  Such are the blessings of nurturing confidence in our kids and teens.

Want more from the series Confident Kids/ Confident Teens?
Listen to episode 175 with Abby Harrison and 201 with Andrew Harrison.

Transcript

val harrison: 0:03

THIS TRANSCRIPT WAS CREATED AUTOMATICALLY AND HAS NOT BEEN EDITED FOR ACCURACY. ALL RIGHT RESERVED. Hello, my intentional mom friends. I'm Val Harrison and you're listening to the Practically Speaking Mom podcast. This is your place for an intentional mom to build a strong family. And how are we doing that? Today, we are doing that with the theme Confident Kids and Confident Teens.

val harrison: 0:20

You already may know that my degree is in communications, but what I haven't talked about much in the first four years of this podcast is that I have spent over 20 years teaching homeschool co-op classes on the subject of speech and communication skills. Well, it's time for me to bring that information to the Practically Speaking Mom podcast. So I'm going to be sharing tools for helping your kids develop communication skills which they can use to build stronger relationships and to help them interact more effectively in all kinds of situations and in all kinds of settings with all types of people. So let's get started in building more confident kids right now. Thanks for joining me on the podcast, emma, to talk about confidence, how you have it, why it's been a blessing in your life to make the effort to develop that confidence. Let's just talk about what are some of the benefits that you've found from being intentional, about being confident.

Emma Harrsion: 1:28

Yeah, so it has given me a lot of opportunities, whether that's in my church or, you know, having a solo and a song, inquire or something like that. So, yes, I'm on my worship team at my church, while I'm on two worship teams at my church. I'm on the worship team for our elementary students and then the middle school and high school students. I'm on that worship team also. At church we have a leadership team that is made up of students, so we have, like that, church staff, and then we have eighth grade through 12th grade students that are, you know if something needs to be done, you know if, well, let's back up.

val harrison: 2:15

Before you describe what that group does. You had to apply to be a part of it.

Emma Harrsion: 2:21

Yes.

val harrison: 2:21

And so what was that process?

Emma Harrsion: 2:23

I mean, you had to fill out a you know a couple pages of. You know this is going to be our standards. You know we don't want you posting a lot of bad things on social media and you know we want you to be cautious on what you wear and what you say. And you know, because you are setting an example for the rest of our students. Then there's like paid you out to fill out of, like what's your testimony and how do you plan on utilizing this leadership team and stuff like that?

val harrison: 2:54

And what would you say is the purpose of the leadership team?

Emma Harrsion: 2:59

I would say the purpose of the team is to so we all have influence and basically teaching us to use it in the right way. You know, like what kind of influence are you making currently? How can you change that to a better influence and then to have community with like minded people. You know, if you're in a community where you're a great Christian but you know not a lot of the people in your small group are, they might not be. You know they want you to have those people that are good Christians and you can text them. Hey, can you be praying for this?

Emma Harrsion: 3:31

And so it's kind of designed to be partly like an inner circle group for you as well that that you have people at your level of development, while and you're encouraging one another and equipping one another and kind of iron sharpens iron mentality, while you are then focusing outward on building up other people, encouraging, equipping, pouring into, yes, and we just recently did a series on life is better together, which is something you hear a lot at our church, but one of the main points was life is better together because we serve together. So that's another thing that this group is about. You know, without this group I wouldn't be friends with a lot of the people that I now know, and you know I get to say, hey, so and so, how's your weekend going? You know like, and I could give a fist bump to a 12th grader that I wouldn't normally be able to, because you know I'm in that group and I and I know them because of that, can we?

val harrison: 4:33

so you just talked about serving together. Can you paint a picture of that for us a little bit? What does serving look like? What is your group do to serve?

Emma Harrsion: 4:44

Yeah, so our we call at our church, we call our youth group a student ministry, so it's pretty much a ministry by students and for students. Yes, we have adults on our team. They're the ones doing the preaching and the coordinating of everything, but they are coordinating what students do, like certain students. We basically change roles every week. This is, you know, our Leadership group, not the whole youth group. Every week will go and help check people in and Be at the first-time guest table to you know like kind of connect them With people their age, and then say, you know, this is where our cafe is and you know, just kind of tell them what the night's gonna look like.

val harrison: 5:32

So you're basically welcoming them, helping them to feel comfortable, feel invited, feel included. Yes feel wanted to be there.

Emma Harrsion: 5:41

Yes, our main priority of our whole student ministry is to make everyone feel seen and known and loved and so once you have established that beginning rapport feeling, then you're kind of their tour guide.

val harrison: 5:55

To show them around the place and then you're their connector, so that you're connecting them to someone their age or To the leaders of their age.

Emma Harrsion: 6:04

Yes, so that. So that's actually another group is the connectors team, which they are the ones who the first-time guest Leaders will be bringing them to you to say, hey, this is a girl in 10th grade and she needs a friend. So I knew you were in 10th grade, so they can bring a new person, who you know probably won't be as comfortable there, to To another person their same age and gender who is comfortable there and will, you know, show them around and play games with them, and, you know, let them sit with them in service, and you know right.

val harrison: 6:41

Yeah, so there's some corporate worship time and Corporate like preaching time, so to speak. This is this is aside from the main church service. Then this would be sort of our church's version of Sunday school. You could say which is the youth group is going to also have some worship time and some teaching time, and then you divide into small groups by your ages and divide it into genders.

Emma Harrsion: 7:07

Yeah, on Sundays we have small groups.

val harrison: 7:09

Yes, we don't have small groups on Wednesdays, so you divide it up into genders and each of these small groups has two leaders. So you have two leaders in your group, and those two leaders, miss Valerie and Miss Tanya they have been with your group since.

Emma Harrsion: 7:28

I mean for years, probably like fourth grade.

val harrison: 7:31

That's what I was thinking like around 34th grade they they started continuing through each grade level with you guys. So it has been a wonderful blessing to me to know those two leaders really personally and To know that these solid moms are also a mentor to you. That is like a huge blessing in my life. So we have that kind of safeguard in place as well, as then the student leadership team, who is all about sharpening one another and growing and helping others grow and be connected and things. Is there any other aspect of the leadership team that you want to bring up?

Emma Harrsion: 8:13

So it's definitely Be empowered to serve, like some of them a lot of them at first, when they joined, might not have been very comfortable with, you know, like showing people around and I wasn't, you know, very comfortable with talking to new people and starting conversation, and you know. But you know now, after I've been in it for a few years, I'm totally fine with that, you know, and being able to put on a brave face over Me being uncomfortable while they're uncomfortable too, and I get to show them around and tell them about our church and tell them about Me and then ask them about themselves and so it takes some bravery to talk to someone new.

val harrison: 9:00

Which really bravery is Is doing what you don't feel like doing because you know it's the right thing to do. You know I guess I will give that definition to bravery and that's something I have tried to instill in you kids from a very young age that we're going to do hard things if they're the right thing to do and we're going to be blessed from that and we're going to bless others and we're going to be living out the strengths and opportunities that God gives us by saying yes to those hard things.

Emma Harrsion: 9:34

You know, by stepping up. Yeah, I heard it for probably every day for 10 years do what, do what's right, not what's easy.

val harrison: 9:42

Okay. So what are some other times that outside of student leadership, what are some other opportunities that confidence has brought? I guess I will say that first.

Emma Harrsion: 9:55

Yeah, in co-op I get to do presentations and stuff and that comes with the class that I do. Everyone has to do it, you know, but I'm definitely more comfortable doing that even in front of people that I don't know so well.

val harrison: 10:08

Because you've practiced confidence.

Emma Harrsion: 10:10

Yes, and you know, like if I stumble, that's okay, everybody does, you know. Then just keep going, instead of say oh, I'm sorry, sorry, I didn't mean to say that, or you know something like that.

val harrison: 10:22

So let's back way up to younger years. I mean, right now you are a freshman in high school, but let's back up to some earlier years. What are some things we've done, some opportunities we've said yes to to help grow your confidence in communication settings, like we would do co-op, and from a very young age I would lead little groups of you guys to speak between each other within the class and then also to do little presentations in front of the co-op, and we can do that on an individual basis, even if there's not a group to do that, even if it's just maybe your family or extended family that you would start having your kids do a little presentation in front of them. I remember when you were four you did a presentation in front of the co-op at a performance night. Can you share a little bit about that?

Emma Harrsion: 11:21

Yeah, so it was just one of our. What did they do it? Once a month, or maybe once. Actually, just once a semester, oh, really okay. Well, I did a wanna, and so at the time I was in sparks.

val harrison: 11:35

It might have been a younger one than sparks but I remember it being in the sparks book. Well, I think you were in a younger group of a wanna than that, but at home we were listening to that sparks book because that's what the boys were in, and they were listening to it to do some memory work.

Emma Harrsion: 11:52

Okay, so I had heard on the on the spark CD, I had heard this it was basically the seven days of creation and you know, on the first day God created the earth and then the plants and animals, and the sun and moon and so on and so forth. And it kind of did it in a very conversational way, yes, and like parts of it rhymed and you know it was very easy to comprehend.

val harrison: 12:17

Yes, kind of a story format.

Emma Harrsion: 12:19

Yeah, instead of just on the first day, god created this, on the second day God created, you know, instead of a list, it was a very conversational and story.

val harrison: 12:28

Right, so it was several minutes long maybe pages maybe seven or eight minutes long, I guess. So I had to memorize that and present it there and you were too short for any microphone to be that short and it was going to be a long time for anybody to hold a microphone, so we really wanted to stand, so I just got a stool for you to sit on and you presented that, and that's because you grew to that level.

Emma Harrsion: 12:59

You know little bits of communicating in front of people and don't get me wrong, I didn't memorize this in three days. You know I had heard this CD and had already memorized some of it, just from listening to it over and over again. Because I mean, I don't know how your brain works, but that's how mine does, you know, if I hear something multiple times and I'm able to retain it a lot better and even memorize it word for word sometimes. So I had been working on it for a very long time, even before you asked me to do it. You know, just like absentmindedly memorizing it Right?

val harrison: 13:35

so just kind of creating some opportunities for your kids to develop confidence, to present in front of others, to carry themselves with confidence, to learn I can do hard things and I'll be okay, and to experience some of the benefits of that. You know, your self confidence grows from doing something that required confidence, from doing something that requires bravery. And then you did it and you're like, hey, I can do that. Now let me challenge myself to a little bit more. So this is kind of the concept of developing this confidence over time that broadens your opportunities and broadens your experiences so that you really can be open to whatever God designed your life to be. We don't want to be limited by insecurities. Do you have anything else on that list of some blessings that confidence has brought into your life?

Emma Harrsion: 14:39

Well, I definitely have more friends than I would have, you know, almost eight years ago when we moved here, if I would have just stayed in my shell the whole time and, you know, not really talked to anybody more than I had to. You know, I wouldn't really have many friends right now. But because I wasn't like that, I have a lot and you know like in each of the settings I'm in and co-op and choir and church and everything else, I have a friend group in each one of those and it's definitely given me more favor with teachers to be able to talk to them and feel comfortable around them. That lets them know that I'm a confident person, because sometimes teachers can be intimidating and you have to talk to them anyway, Also for getting a job.

val harrison: 15:28

Yeah you know it really helped you to be able to get a good job, to have display confidence. I'll finish up with two more opportunities this week that I feel like happened because you had developed the habit of displaying confidence. One of those things was we traveled to Branson to spend time with my folks, your grandparents and three of their siblings and their spouses, so basically seven. I hate to call them elderly because they're all sharp and spry and active and wonderful people, but I'm just helping paint the picture here a little bit. That that's who you spent the week with and you had fun.

val harrison: 16:17

You know you were able to have your defenses down with people in a different age group than you, and I'm not sharing this to brag on you. I'm sharing this to paint a picture for everybody who's listening that this is what life can look like with teenagers. Teenagers don't have to be closed off and only willing to talk to a peer or certain peers. We can actually joyfully and humbly engage with people of all different ages and enjoy ourselves, like this week. You visited a lot. You learned two of them had been in the military, so or veterans, and you were able to learn about their time in the military. What? How does it benefit your life to spend time with people in a different age category like that, I mean?

Emma Harrsion: 17:10

it definitely gets me more comfortable with it, even if I I'm not at first, which you know. Growing up seeing them, I became comfortable with that, you know, and even going to the rest home each month with my co-op, it gets me more comfortable to talk with people older than them and maybe aren't as sharp and literally their brain isn't working right, you know.

Emma Harrsion: 17:34

It gets me more comfortable with that because sometimes they don't like to talk or they can't really talk, so at the nursing home, right, you're talking about yes, yes, but you know they like seeing younger people and they like seeing new faces that they don't get to see a lot, and so I have to learn to talk to people that I might not be as comfortable with, you know, and that's the same with new people in my church.

Emma Harrsion: 18:00

You know I just have to do it, even though I don't want to, and you can do it. You just don't think you can a lot of the time. But back to the original topic yeah, growing up with them helped a lot and getting to know them, asking questions about their life, and you know their experiences because they've had a lot more experiences than I have. You know, I was talking to a guy earlier today at the rest home because we went there this morning and he was talking about how he was a missionary and I asked him about his favorite places that he went and he was telling me about Germany and being a missionary and traveling the world doing that.

val harrison: 18:42

So yeah, that's respecting and honoring the fact that others have wisdom and experiences to share with us. Sometimes, I think, in our technology age, we all get so self consumed with our little individual screen and life and we don't realize what the world around us has to offer, what people around us have to offer, and we almost live in a society that has very little respect for older people. It really is a backwards mentality. We almost have a generation of people that are coming up believing that they are more valuable and have more to offer the world than these, who are wiser, more experienced, and we need we need their influence and their input. They have experienced so many things and they've made mistakes that we can learn from, and you know they talked about. This person was president at the time and this situation happened and and the nation learned this from that lesson.

Emma Harrsion: 19:50

Well, yeah, I was talking to my great uncle about his experience in World War Two and, you know, if I never would have started talking to him you know, like if I would have just automatically shut him off, since he was older than what I'm used to talking to, you know, then I would have never got to hear those cool stories and you know I love World War Two and hearing cool stuff like that and if I never would have started talking to him and having conversations with him, that I never, then I never would have gotten to hear all that cool stuff that he went through and our country went through, that I never even knew about.

val harrison: 20:29

Yes. So teaching our kids that everyone has value and that everyone deserves to be honored and seen and known and loved, this is a great, huge step in helping our kids develop habits of confidence. And then those habits of confidence literally turns into confidence that just keeps growing and growing so that their opportunities expand and their worldview expands, their experiences expand and with all of that comes more wisdom for them as well. Anything you want to wrap up with about this topic?

Emma Harrsion: 21:13

One of my favorite quotes that this kind of reminded me of, you know, pushing yourself and out of your comfort zone yes, reminded me of this. It says what seems impossible today will one day become your warm-up, and that's something I thought was cool when I first heard that.

val harrison: 21:31

You know you keep a little book of quotes, don't you like a notebook?

val harrison: 21:35

kind of yeah, right down when you hear a quote that you like. I love that. I keep intending to start doing that. Maybe I will start now. Thank you, emma. Yeah, I Hope you enjoyed today's episode of the practically speaking mom the podcast for an intentional mom to build a strong family.

val harrison: 21:54

You can find lots more from me my blog books, the six rooms of the intentional mom's home at my website, practically speaking mom calm. If you found this podcast to be helpful, I would be so honored if you would share it with other people. Subscribe to the podcast, follow my blog and join in the practically speaking mom's online community through Instagram and Facebook. We also have a wonderful private Facebook group, a place where I get to interact with you more personally, where you can share your ideas, you can give your feedback about the podcast, you can ask me personal questions about it and we can just interact on all different kinds of levels. There's so many wonderful intentional moms in this group and I would love for you to be one of them.

val harrison: 22:38

The name of that private Facebook group is intentional mom strong family, so I hope you'll join that today and let me get to know you if you think other moms would benefit from this podcast. Would you please take a few minutes to leave a review on iTunes so that iTunes will recommend this podcast to moms when they search. I'm looking forward to spending time with you again next week right here on the practically speaking mom podcast the place for an intentional mom to build a strong family. See you soon.