193. Val as guest on the Mom Made Plans podcast

Ever feel challenged as a parent, trying to understand and connect with your children who have vastly different personalities than you? Guess what, you're not alone! Last week we had Guest Julie Redmond on the Practically Speaking MOM Podcast.  This week, I join her on her podcast while you all listen in! Join me, Val Harrison, The Practically Speaking MOM when I was a guest on Julie Redmond's show, Mom Made Plans Podcast.

We're pushing the parenting discourse beyond the conventional, delving into root parenting as a technique to tackle the heart of any issue our kids might be facing. Using the treasure chest illustration, we highlight how to help our children recognize and celebrate their unique qualities. 

Not forgetting the power of empathy, we dig into the life-transforming impacts it has on our kids. The necessity of developing top-notch people skills, the understanding of different personalities in the home, and the art of equipping our children to handle emotional support are other vital topics we unpack.  All these and more, just a listen away when Val Harrison from the Practically Speaking MOM Podcast visited Julie Redmond from the Mom Made Plans podcast. Buckle up for a journey that promises to be enlightening, empowering, and above all, full of love.

Transcript

Val Harrison, The Practically Speaking MOM: 0:04

THIS TRANSCRIPT WAS GENERATED AUTOMATICALLY AND HAS NOT BEEN EDITED. Welcome to the Practically Speaking Mom podcast, the place for an intentional mom to build a strong family. Last week on the Practically Speaking Mom podcast, you met Julie Redmond from the Mom Made Plans podcast. Julie and I had a great discussion about the habits in her life that make a difference for her family. We talked about practical actions with her kids and house habits too. This week we're going to flip it around and we're going to listen to me being a guest on her podcast.

Val Harrison, The Practically Speaking MOM: 0:35

This episode is a little longer than normal, but the final concept in today's episode is my favorite of the concepts that are discussed today. In that final concept we look at the importance of not just giving our kids what they need emotionally, but also helping to equip them for times in their life in the future when the people in their life may not be giving them what they need emotionally. What should they do about that? How should they handle it? Actually, today's final concept introduces that topic to be our entire podcast episode next week. So while this week is with Julie and I, next week will be just me on that very specific issue. So let's get started on the Practically Speaking Mom podcast today, where we are listening to me being a guest on the Mom Made Plants podcast. Let's go All right.

Julie Redmond of Mom Made Plans: 1:29

Welcome everyone. I am super excited to have this conversation today and share with you just really practical, helpful tips of how to be a better parent and just a better person and communicator with the people in our lives, and we're just really going to focus on that interaction with our kids today. We all have we're all unique. God has made us all differently and that is an amazing blessing and it's also a challenge to interact when we have like opposite personalities, and so I wanted to bring Val on today. I've been listening to her podcast and she has so much wisdom. I'm going to let her introduce herself and we're going to dive into this whole conversation of how to be a better parents when your kid is just pushing all those buttons because they're different from you or sometimes the same. So, before we dive in, please introduce yourself and tell us a little about you.

Val Harrison, The Practically Speaking MOM: 2:27

Hi, I am Val Harrison, the Practically Speaking Mom from the Practically Speaking Mom podcast, and I have seven kids four girls and three boys. Six of them are grown and one is still at home she's 13. I am also a homeschool mom for 24 years, and five more years to go and then I will retire from that. We don't ever retire from motherhood, even as they grow up. We still are so involved in their lives. It's just it looks differently, but the we're going to be talking about personalities today, and personalities play a role all the way through, and I'm just super honored to be on your podcast today.

Val Harrison, The Practically Speaking MOM: 3:10

I love your podcast. I love organization and checklists and all the things. In fact, I listened to you the other day and the next morning the almost the first thing I did was I sorted out my shoes. She inspired me at his time. I'm tackling the shoes. Oh, I love it. It was a fun. It was time to get rid of some. You know those that I think are super cute, but they really haven't been in style for a long time, so I haven't worn them for a long time. It's time to go. So thank you for your inspiration, sure.

Julie Redmond of Mom Made Plans: 3:44

I'm so glad to hear you got. You got that win for the day you tackled that one little category.

Julie Redmond of Mom Made Plans: 3:49

Yes, that's awesome, definitely. We have an experienced mom with us today with seven kids and you have to like have some organization there and homeschooling oh, my goodness, bless you. That is so much work. So, with all of that and interacting with all of your children, I feel like God has really given you some insights and downloads and how to navigate parenting and communicating with your kids and figuring out the best way to not totally go crazy, have more grace and empathy for the people in our home. So what I referenced earlier it's called uniquely united she has made and it really dives into just some basics of kind of categories, of overall ideas, of kind of where we all fit in our personalities and it's just really helpful. So this is not my area, so I'm going to let her explain this concept of uniquely united to us.

Val Harrison, The Practically Speaking MOM: 4:47

So the concept itself uniquely united is that each family member plays an important, unique role. God designed each one of us purposefully and it's sometimes our tendency to want to make the kids like us, you know. So that's one tendency. Or just as a desire for peace, we kind of will shut down the differences, so we don't want to do that either.

Val Harrison, The Practically Speaking MOM: 5:16

Uniquely united is really about this concept of recognizing the value of each individual but learning how to blend them and mesh in effective ways, and one of the primary things that we're focusing on is helping each family member get a focus on being a blessing being a blessing to the other family members, being a blessing to the family unit, being a blessing to everybody that they come across today.

Val Harrison, The Practically Speaking MOM: 5:48

It's a lifestyle mindset, and so that's one critical part of the concept of uniquely united. But I kind of want to back up just a little bit and tell you why did I even start focusing on this topic recently on the podcast? I am working on writing my fifth book right now, which is answering the six questions of your child's heart at every age, and that was born out of evaluating what mistakes was I making that was leaving holes in my kids heart, like I could see different aspects of them, that they had longings or they were feeling broken in some way or deficits in their perception of themselves or the way they treated others, that kind of thing. And of course we as parents can't own all of the shortcomings or weaknesses in our kids for sure.

Val Harrison, The Practically Speaking MOM: 6:45

But at the same time, we also need to do what we can. We need to live intentionally. My podcast has a focus on intentionality, just as yours does as well. My podcast is called Practically Speaking Mom Intentional Mom, strong Families it's kind of a long podcast title, but we as parents obviously have do have a lot of obligation to step up and to identify what it is our kids need.

Val Harrison, The Practically Speaking MOM: 7:16

So, as I was, I was just for a couple of years I was keeping this notebook of what problems my seeing, how am I handling it? How did that work? And what do I see in scripture of how God handles their hearts. And as I started keeping this record of this, I was seeing that things were falling into six categories of our hearts. Well, one of those categories is or questions, is what they ended up being? Six questions of our heart. One of those is am I worth knowing? And so to to feel like I am seen, I am understood, someone is is digging deeper into who I am and not just taking my surface behavior and saying that I must have this character if I'm behaving that way, for example.

Val Harrison, The Practically Speaking MOM: 8:08

And so we want to be parents who dig deeper and who are discovering our children, which is a really awesome privilege that really no one else in the world can do like we can. So what our tendency is is to look at our kids' issues, mistakes, shortcomings, weaknesses and we look at those and we want this quick fix. You know, we want to quickly fix that and really it's our road map to discovering God's design of them. And yes, there are things that we need to fine tune in their character and that we need to walk beside them through that growth. But anyway, it was changing my mindset from look at all the problems and then that I need to fix to it's my role to discover my child and to know them more deeply. So that process is what led me to this appreciation for all the unique characters and personalities within our home and how to help each personality shine, but in a way where we blend and we bless one another and just to see that as a beautiful design, that not only do we want to bless each other, but we want to bless the Lord who designed us. We should be reflecting him. Well, we're made in his image, but each of us unique. We want to be blending and shining and blessing and reflecting him.

Val Harrison, The Practically Speaking MOM: 9:54

So that's kind of a little overview of what uniquely united represents and how I got there, why I went down that path, to that. My degree is communication, so I've always had a great interest in understanding how people interact and helping them interact more effectively. So my ministry is actually over 20 years old in really wanting to help families communicate with each other more effectively. My podcast just entered its fourth year, though, so anyway, that's a little bit about uniquely united Now. You listened to uniquely united 2.0, which was about a specific aspect of us where we kind of divided people into four categories, which none of us are cookie cutter, none of us are. You know, we don't want to box people or ourselves into these labels that may limit our view of ourselves, our view of others, not going to think, but at the same time, it does help to get some structural understanding of differences between us.

Julie Redmond of Mom Made Plans: 11:03

Sure A good starting place to at least be able to grasp a little bit.

Val Harrison, The Practically Speaking MOM: 11:07

Yes, exactly.

Julie Redmond of Mom Made Plans: 11:08

And before I want to interrupt, before you explain what those are, just to circle back for a minute for you guys to really sit with.

Julie Redmond of Mom Made Plans: 11:17

I love the approach you have and just that it's discovering our children and that being our role, and I feel like also I would go as far as to say to help them discover themselves as well.

Julie Redmond of Mom Made Plans: 11:30

Yes, and just how like empowering that is and just seeing what the seeing the good and I think part of I know I'm I'm searching for parenting and and how to do that better and to facilitate everything and just the tools there and I think this is such an amazing tools you look at like positive parenting and all these buzzwords and things like that.

Julie Redmond of Mom Made Plans: 11:54

The hard part of this, the intentionality of this, is taking the time to go beyond the surface behavior and dig in to understand what's going on in their heart and how that's being displayed. And you get to be more of a root solving issue when you get to the heart, and that's what I'm all about. And so, even though it's more work, you're actually reaping so much more of a benefit. Instead of like going through the same thing over and over again and just being continually frustrated, you at least have more insight and can help shape things. So I just want to take a moment to just like honor that approach and just for people to really let that sink in of your mindset, of like discovering who they are, not just their behavior and their heart.

Val Harrison, The Practically Speaking MOM: 12:42

So I'm glad you said that, because you do point out the other side of that coin is is not just that we're discovering them, but and being excited about it, but that we are helping them get excited about who they are and discovering more of who they are. And then we want to take that to a next level of we don't want to, in ourselves or in them, have an attitude of, well, this is just how I am.

Val Harrison, The Practically Speaking MOM: 13:11

This is who I am, but instead, we want to take that information and we want to be sure that we're allowing the Holy Spirit to then mold us even more. So, taking that original design and then literally teaching our kids the concept of I mean, I literally did this yesterday with with my daughter. I was like, okay, let's close our eyes. This is going to be a prayer conversation for a minute. I want you to imagine this part of yourself, your heart, where your character lies, and and imagine that you are allowing the Holy Spirit to come into that room and and saying to him I give you all aspects of my character and I give you permission, god, to change me in this way. I want the fruit of the spirit happening in my life. So it's taking that initial design and then teaching our kids how to allow God to then mold that original design too, because God didn't just like make us who we are. He made us to become, and so we want to teach our kids how to become who he made us to become so beautiful.

Julie Redmond of Mom Made Plans: 14:37

I'm getting teary eyed.

Val Harrison, The Practically Speaking MOM: 14:38

You guys can't see me, but okay, one way that I'll I a little illustration with that too that I will often use with my kids as they were growing up, is I will put if I'm, especially if we're struggling with some issue, I'll draw a little very ugly treasure chest because I can't draw.

Val Harrison, The Practically Speaking MOM: 14:58

But I'll draw a little treasure chest and put some of the qualities that I see in them inside this treasure chest and I'm just writing words and then I explain to them. Right now I see that the treasure chest, the lid, is shut and there's a lock on it because there are some things that stand in the way of the world getting to experience this awesome person that God created, and so we've got to work on unlocking it and opening that lid, and that means us doing the work of allowing God to change us too. You know that we've basically every good in us has some negative attached to it, and as parents, we often are seeing the negative and thinking we need to get rid of that. What we need to do is let that be our roadmap to who they are and what is the positive on the other side of that, and how do we help them shave off the rough edges, okay, of that aspect of their character. So anyway, I'm just going on without getting into what you want, okay, no, God, the Holy Spirit, is orchestrating this conversation.

Julie Redmond of Mom Made Plans: 16:10

We are going with it. It is fine.

Julie Redmond of Mom Made Plans: 16:12

Because this is I want to point out here to you guys like I love also this as a little. I'm pulling aside a practical takeaway for you here of communication verbal, and then another exercise, visual to that she drew the treasure chest with the words and just again like understanding our children and how they learn and how, and even just like showing them in different ways, like even the same message, just for it to sink into their hearts further, like having that verbal conversation and then having that visual, I think is an amazing next step that we're really like trying all the avenues. So little takeaway for you guys too. If you're struggling verbally, maybe try some visuals or other their avenues that your children relate to.

Val Harrison, The Practically Speaking MOM: 17:02

Yeah, that's awesome. And I have to say one other thing from something you said a minute ago you said getting to the roots, and I am something I'm really passionate about is something I call root parroting, which means and I say root parroting versus surface parroting so we see what's on the surface, what's going on there, but that may not at all be what's really going on below the surface, at the root. Where, where does the, where's the issue at? And we want to dig deeper. Instead of quickly responding to what behavior is going on in them, we want to go deeper than that and identify that. And I use the scripture, luke 252, to help me with root parroting. So I got to tell you this real quick, sorry, yes, no, please. Okay.

Val Harrison, The Practically Speaking MOM: 17:52

Luke 252 says Jesus grew in wisdom stature. Favor with God, favor with man that's four areas that if we put those in kind of common words today, that would be physical, mental, spiritual and social. And I use those four categories all the time to help me grow my kids, help me evaluate my kids, help me dig deeper with issues. So if I see a behavior going on in them that I'm concerned about, then I'm going to ask questions in those four areas and I'm going to evaluate in those four areas. Is it a physical thing, like are they not getting enough sleep or they're not eating right, are they missing something in their diet or do they have pain somewhere or are they sick? So there's physical root that I'm going through. And then I'm going through the social root, like is there some relationships that maybe they're dealing with with friends that might be impacting why they're treating their brother this way or treating me this way? So that's social, or is it a spiritual issue? Where are they out spiritually? How do they view God? How do they view that God views them and how's that relationship there? And then mental. So anyway, you brought up root and I just had to bring up root parenting. So I definitely have some podcast episodes on that concept as well.

Val Harrison, The Practically Speaking MOM: 19:26

But Uniquely, united 2.0 is the series that you listened to and we started out that series by first, which my husband and I did this series together, and we've started out first with the concept that people tend to be either a fast paced or slow paced person, and that does not refer to how quickly they walk or something like that, although it can actually impact that, but it refers to the way in which they think. Some of us like to be fast thinkers. We want to draw conclusions really quickly and then jump and act on that, while others want to evaluate all the different aspects of this potential decision and then they want to weigh the different decisions they could go with and what could be the problem areas in that. Obviously, just from verbalizing that to you, you can imagine what kind of conflicts can happen in the family just based on that difference alone the fast versus the slow.

Val Harrison, The Practically Speaking MOM: 20:32

And if we can help our family members see the value in the other person's ways. I don't have to become the slow if I'm the fast, although it wouldn't hurt for me to learn some lessons from them and maybe slow down but at the very least I need to recognize the value of what they're doing. Maybe I decide quickly, and so I think if you're not deciding quickly and on board with me, then you must not care about that issue. In actuality, they may care a lot about it, and so they're evaluating carefully their perspective and their answer. And so this uniquely united concept in the material that I teach that you were listening to is about learning to recognize those differences of the other person and value that treasure, even and cherish that they are different from me but just as valuable to our family, being the masterpiece that it is because they are doing that.

Julie Redmond of Mom Made Plans: 21:43

And I just want to be like can you imagine how many, how many conflicts and bitterness and resentment that could be removed from your life by simply taking the time to understand where the other people in your family are coming from, like if you've never found out that they're just processing internally all these options and care deeply. They just don't, aren't ready to like talk about it immediately.

Val Harrison, The Practically Speaking MOM: 22:07

You're just constantly upset when you're missing, like such a huge piece of the puzzle, and so, yeah, I just, I love this concept of just diving into it You're, you might be upset in that situation, and if you're the parent, that is the fast and you have this slow child, you may never even be getting to know the real them because you're trying to rush them to this decision and rush them to answer and give their opinion, and so that's how I was for a long time and then discovered that I was being that way, and it just breaks my heart every time I think about it my slows at that time this was many years ago that I discovered this but realizing, wow, I I kind of never even knew the below the surface them.

Val Harrison, The Practically Speaking MOM: 23:04

And that is so sad and I don't want to do that anymore. You know, yeah, so it helps me modify the way I am, who I am, and so building empathy, you know is critical for us as parents and it's also critical for us for us to teach our kids that empathy as well.

Val Harrison, The Practically Speaking MOM: 23:32

It will bless every future relationship they have If they learn to understand themselves, modify themselves, bring themselves to a better balance, be a blessing recognizing the beauty of other people's character and personality and having a desire to blend in whatever group and care about the whole of that group. You know, these kind of things that we can teach our children will change their lives. They will change the world.

Julie Redmond of Mom Made Plans: 24:04

Yes, if more people would do that. I'm like, oh, put this up on, the banner is out, like I mean, this is yeah massive impact.

Val Harrison, The Practically Speaking MOM: 24:13

I told my kids all the time you know you may not know everything in a given like, let's say, you grew up to be in this particular job. You might not know everything that you need to know to be good at that, but if you know how to interact with people effectively, how to have empathy and care and be both bold when you need to be but humble when you need to be, you know, when you learn all of these people skills, you will rise to leadership, because that stands out. So much more Information can be given, given to any employee and acquired easily. But people skills takes years to develop and for many people they almost it's completely left out of their development, and so we don't want to do that. As intentional parents, we want to truly equip them with this aspect of life that is so, so big and valuable.

Julie Redmond of Mom Made Plans: 25:17

Yeah, this is. I get so amped up I'm like having to calm myself down over here because I'm like yes yes, do all the things. Oh gosh, yeah, okay.

Val Harrison, The Practically Speaking MOM: 25:29

so the next part so we said fast and slow and we talked about some differences there and and how to handle that in the family. And then the next episode was task versus people. Some people are very focused on the tasks in front of them and then others are very focused on the people in front of them. Truthfully, we need to value both. We want to become balanced people who can see both aspects of that and care about both aspects of that. So we looked at task and people and how that can impact conflict in the family, how learning to do it better can bring a better overall experience for the family and so on.

Julie Redmond of Mom Made Plans: 26:16

Yeah, and I want to point out in this like and I don't perfectly fit I'm definitely a fast and I kind of vacillate between task and people, but I would say probably more in the task line. So I want it as like a very tangible example. I've asked about a share from this episode in thinking about this and the task versus people, just an interaction with her daughter where she approached it from a task point of view and her daughter was approaching from the people. So I'm going to let you share it. Will you give us that sweatshirt story? Sure, yeah absolutely so.

Val Harrison, The Practically Speaking MOM: 26:55

This is one of my grown daughters. When she was still home, she was going to go to a youth group activity and I saw that they would have sweatshirts for sale about this. It was kind of a camp weekend thing, and so I put money out for this sweatshirt on the counter and when she came down, I was like hey, I gave you this money to get a sweatshirt. And of course, my response that I was hoping for and that was oh, thanks, mom, that's awesome. But instead her response was you did, why did you do that? And so my personality was like Well, that's an annoying question.

Val Harrison, The Practically Speaking MOM: 27:35

You know, this is what I'm thinking on the inside. That's an annoying question. Obviously, I did it so you can get the sweatshirt, but I know who she is and she is not tasked, she's people, and so she needed to know how I feel about her, and that that's why I was getting the t shirt. The sweatshirt for her was because I was thinking about how much you would enjoy having that and to be able to remember that weekend with your friends and the experiences you're going to go through, and I wanted you to have that keepsake you know that you can wear around remembering that moment, those moments.

Val Harrison, The Practically Speaking MOM: 28:21

You know that's what she. She needed to hear that I was thinking of her. She needed to hear that I value her friendship times and experiences. And you know, just honestly, her personality is one that is seeking words of affirmation. So recognizing these things that our kids need so well in my mind. At first I'm kind of annoyed by the question, because I had spent time digging below the surface and knowing who she was and her makeup and things that she needs. I was able to then shift gears out of my task mode and into her people mode and communicate the way that she was needing at that moment.

Julie Redmond of Mom Made Plans: 29:08

Yes, and what a skill to develop. Like for us as parents to be able to do that. Because I had the same thing of being a task person was, like what do you mean? Why did I do that? Like I care about you and I left you the money to get what you want.

Val Harrison, The Practically Speaking MOM: 29:21

Like, yeah, check it off this. Move on to the next thing.

Julie Redmond of Mom Made Plans: 29:25

Yeah, but to realize like, no, they need and it's funny you mentioned words of affirmation because I feel like a lot of this can tie in with the love languages and we've talked about that on the podcast before but that you can stop yourself when you potentially could have the rest of that day would have been annoyed of like well, I'm not leaving her money again for a sweatshirt.

Julie Redmond of Mom Made Plans: 29:48

And if you can stop and shift your perspective to theirs and realize, oh, this is what they're actually needing from me right now, like leaving the money out is fine, but it needs to be paired with I know how much you're going to like enjoy this weekend and the sweatshirt will mean a lot to you and just taking the time to say those few words or understand their heart, just this was just such a great practical example of what that would look like, and so I just really want to highlight that for you guys, of what this looks like in the day to day and how, if you can get yourself to just have a little light bulb moment and just pause for a second and shift, like if you've taken time to understand them a little better, it can just radically change your relationship and your communication on a daily basis, so I'm super amped about it if you can't tell.

Val Harrison, The Practically Speaking MOM: 30:41

Well, I kind of like to share with you the flip side of with that particular daughter. The other side of what we have to do is not just provide what they need, but we need to help them be okay when they're not getting what they need, because in the world, the world is does not know them personally.

Julie Redmond of Mom Made Plans: 31:02

Not that accommodating.

Val Harrison, The Practically Speaking MOM: 31:03

Yeah, the world's not accommodating, and the world doesn't, sad to say, but for the most part, the world doesn't care that. They need that, yeah, and so how do we? So we want to give them what, what they need, but we also want to equip them to be okay when they're not getting it. So let me give you a flip side conversation that I had with her recently. She was home, she's, she's in college right now, she's home the other day, and she was sharing with me how she has a hard time in this particular relationship in her life, someone. She knows that she gets really timid around them because she thinks they don't like her. And so, knowing her need for people, affirmation needing to know, she has a need to know where she stands with people, she wants to get positive feedback from them, and so I you know we were sitting across the room at the moment and so I like get out, got up from where I was sitting in a chair and went over to the couch sitting by her and I was like I want to sit close with you when I tell you this you have all of these great qualities, and that person may actually see all of those or most of those. But that particular person is not the kind of person that's probably ever going to share that with you, and maybe they don't share that with anybody. It just doesn't fit, especially who they are. God can can mold that in them and maybe someday they will become good at affirming you in that way.

Val Harrison, The Practically Speaking MOM: 32:36

But it would be incredibly sad if this relationship between you and this other person remained weak because you couldn't move forward until you had that affirmation. I want you to live in the fullness of knowing who God made you to be. Live it out loud, love them deeply. Do not hold back and hesitate just because you're not getting the affirmation from them that you need. Tell yourself I'm not getting the affirmation from them that I need, but I will be all in in this relationship anyway.

Val Harrison, The Practically Speaking MOM: 33:15

So we want to teach them to identify themselves and that it's okay to ask that as well, like it's okay for her to ask someone to say hey, just so you know, since this is a relationship I really care about, I want to be really vulnerable, honest with you right now. I'm one who just naturally handles life better if I know where I stand with you. So I would love a little bit of feedback on how you feel about me, but you may be totally uncomfortable with that, and that's fine. I'm still going to be all in in this relationship anyway. So it is okay to teach them to speak up for the things that they need, but it's also important for them to learn to accept reality and not allow things that they feel like they need to limit the abundance of their life.

Julie Redmond of Mom Made Plans: 34:09

Yeah, because there's definitely times where I feel like I I can feel, where I would get an attitude of like all right, I know this about you, but I don't need to like do this all day, every day. Yes, this was a bit much like calm down, because then I'm more apt to like no, I'm not going to give you the affirmation because you're so needy for it. This is me being super transparent and vulnerable to you guys.

Julie Redmond of Mom Made Plans: 34:30

But yeah, it is that balance of being okay with putting it out there of what you need, but also being okay with like, hey, I need to understand, I can't be this needy all the time of whatever my particular words of affirmation or whatever my thing is yeah, just to find that healthy balance. So I'm glad you brought up the flip side, because it that is equally important.

Val Harrison, The Practically Speaking MOM: 34:50

Yeah if we just quote unquote, fill their love bucket only and we don't help them identify their love bucket issues, then we're actually keeping them weak, we're keeping them dependent on us, we're keeping them less effective in the world we want to pay. Intentional parenting is much more than just giving our kids what they're emotionally needing. It's equipping them for the world.

Julie Redmond of Mom Made Plans: 35:18

Yeah, so good, that's so powerful.

Julie Redmond of Mom Made Plans: 35:21

And then just thinking through, like just as a takeaway here for you guys of this is so nuanced and not clear cut, but like the purpose of kind of these four parts that we talked about the fast flow versus task people I feel like it just gives you a starting point, like if you're just like, okay, I want to be more intentional with my kids, like I don't know how do I see more into their heart of what's going on, and I think just this is a great like stepping point of just kind of trying to determine do they tend to be a little more fast or a little more slow, and just start paying attention and or they more task or people, and it's not as clear cut as that, but just to give you like some starting ground to start to have your eyes open, to see a little more and pray into, like asking God to help you see, see their heart behind their actions and their words.

Julie Redmond of Mom Made Plans: 36:17

This is such a great tool and I'm just so glad you've gone over, yeah, just all of all of the goodness and I'm like I need to be in your. You need a mom club of mentor me. You have so much, so much knowledge over the years and I really appreciate the example that you're setting and all these examples and the importance of taking time to be intentional and have these conversations with your kids and being vulnerable in your own growth as you're going through the same things and sharing with them. Like hey, I was really quick to jump on this right now and like when, like being able to share our own faults and our own success and stuff like that, I think is is so powerful. So thank you for being so transparent and full of awesome skills and everything it was very sweet.

Val Harrison, The Practically Speaking MOM: 37:10

I am super thankful for this opportunity to be on here. If your listeners were to listen to this series, it's actually you need to do, guys go listen.

Val Harrison, The Practically Speaking MOM: 37:21

It's actually six episodes long. We take those four things that we talked about fast, slow people, task and we create this quadrant of four combinations. So there's the you know fast task person, there's the fast people person, there's the slow task person, there's the slow people person, and I really break down a whole lot of details on that. For example, what, what are they, each of them, value? Or what do they need to respect? As parents, especially the older kids get, we have to maintain the right to influence them and sometimes, when they're opposite of us, what they value is opposite of what we value, so they can tend to lose respect for us if we're not acknowledging the things that they value.

Julie Redmond of Mom Made Plans: 38:11

All right, Well, you guys definitely need to go check out. Tell us again the, the name of the podcast and anything else you've got going on. I know you mentioned your books. Where we can find those? You?

Val Harrison, The Practically Speaking MOM: 38:21

can find everything on my website, PracticallySpeakingMomcom. So the podcast is there, but it's also on any major podcast platform which you can just look up Practically Speaking Mom podcast, but it's on the website. Also, my books are there. I have wearing all your hats without wearing out, which is about finding focus for your family to be the masterpiece God designed it to be.

Val Harrison, The Practically Speaking MOM: 38:44

I have the book Clash in your Home Getting a Game Plan for Cleaning Up the Conflict. I have the book when Little's Are Loud Maximizing the Moments Without Dranning and Chaos, and a book called Gaining Momentum Preparing your Student for a Career with or without college. So those are the books that I have right now, but I have a lot of other resources on there too, and I should mention that one of the resources is specific to what we've been talking about the Uniquely United Series. I have a chart of these different personality combinations and what those kiddos are needing. You know what do they fear, what motivates them, what makes them angry or hurt, you know. So, anyway, it's a pretty thorough chart that covers all those things. That it's a $2 chart in my shop, so I try to keep things affordable, to be resources for all of these intentional mamas that are listening.

Julie Redmond of Mom Made Plans: 39:40

Yes, that's perfect. Yeah, and I'll have that in the show notes. You guys to get to her website and get all of the goodness. And talking about the books, I want to close us out with a quote from. I had purchased her Clash in your Home book, which I'm working through, but I wanted to share one line that I think is just a really good kind of summary, kind of what we're talking about here today, and it goes like this she says we need to see the issue as a problem that we are working together to solve and stop trying to solve the other person, defeat the other person or perfect the other person. Thank you so much, val, for all of your insight and wisdom today. We will definitely have to have another chat soon because you've got so much to share. Thank you, thank you so much.

Val Harrison, The Practically Speaking MOM: 40:28

Well, mom friends, you've been listening to a conversation between myself, val Harrison, the practically speaking mom, and Julie Redmond of the Mom Made Plans podcast. She shares my passion for equipping moms to be intentional, while also relying on God to help us in our appointment as mom to our families. Next week, I'm going to take a deeper dive into that last topic that we discussed here. We're going to look further on the importance of not just giving our kids what they need emotionally, but also helping to equip them for times in their life when the people in their life may not be giving them what they need emotionally. What should they do about that? How should they handle it? We're going to talk about it right here next week on the Practically Speaking Mom podcast the place for intentional moms to build strong families. See you Monday.